2008 is here!Its party time. A chance to host. To raise a toast. To raise a new calendar on the wall. It’s the dawn of yet another year (this one is a leap year at tat!! 366 days!!). A year has passed by in jus a blink of the eye. Sigh! I just feel so very exhausted. I need a lot of time to myself (That’s probably the only resolution for this year).
Cheers, fears, and tears. 2007 hasn’t been a very eventful year for me. Just screwed up a lot of things. When I think back, I just feel I could have acted a little diligently about a few things. But time is not gonna grant a second chance. Does it?(How I wish it could!). I move on. Presuming, “what ever happens, happens only for good”. Jus wanna let bygones be bygones. But wonder if I can, for the thoughts are so deep rooted in my heart and haunting at tat. Its not easy!
I realize that I am just very comfortable being alone, all to myself. I can stay comfortably without speaking to anyone for the whole day. Silence is truly Golden, I realize. There is this sudden quietness within me. As if the ocean has returned to its natural quietude after the waves have hit the shores fiercefully. I feel numb! Nothing really seems to be affecting me. My thoughts have taken a back seat. Memory slumbers!
I realize that I am just very comfortable being alone, all to myself. I can stay comfortably without speaking to anyone for the whole day. Silence is truly Golden, I realize. There is this sudden quietness within me. As if the ocean has returned to its natural quietude after the waves have hit the shores fiercefully. I feel numb! Nothing really seems to be affecting me. My thoughts have taken a back seat. Memory slumbers!
I feel like screaming to the world to let me be me. I realize that I am not what I used to be. I am not what people knew me a couple of years back. I have 'changed'! But I now am making sincere efforts to get back to what I was. The gal who was much loved and most wanted (I laugh at myself for I think its worth to be a good joke. There is a drop of tear at the verge of my eye. There is pouncing pain in my heart!). Can the identity of a being change jus coz he or she is associated with something or someone? Does anyone really have the ability to change YOU? The REAL you (especially if you are a person who believes in doing only what is right and not what is assumed to be right!?)? Is it right to expect a person to change to your own needs? IIs it not suffocating when somebody expects you to be someone who you really are not. To mend (??) to their wants, their desires!? But yes. You end up changing yourself just coz you are compelled to 'change' and 'adapt' to something coz the situation demands it out of you. Isn’t that crazy?
In fact some people (some cases, situation personifies itself) who are so capable of influencing and mesmerizing (may I call it hypnotizing??) you, that you end up being puppetted by them. I don really believe such a change is for good! Eventually, you are not what you are until you forcefully get rid of it. Why does life put us in such testing times? It tires you. Drains the energy out of you. Zapped, I lay there!
I often get to hear these wise sayings “Be the change you want to see in this world! Change is the only constant! What ever happens, happens only for good. This is yet another phase. This will pass by too. Nothing is stagnant.” huh..What do you intend to conclude, people?? I am thoroughly befuddled and bewildered with these thoughts! I am lost. I just can’t seem to conclude anything out of this (I am already into the infinite loop!). Who am I??
What am I?? What am I here for?? Ufff…
2 comments:
May b u feel u r lost... but hold the hands of the all mighty u wil find the true self ... When i feel i hav lost my self.. i hav found him my LORD.... he has always been with me through tick and thins.... i knw its sounds very spiritual but its Bona fide... Hope u find wat u r lookin... cos its thr within...
Everybody in this world is unique and so are you. When u said "There is this sudden quietness within me. As if the ocean has returned to its natural quietude after the waves have hit the shores fiercefully.", thats nothing but your own nature. To be with oneself and enjoy every moment is something not everybody can do. You have the opportunity to come closer to being your own self by just observing your actions, thoughts and behaviour daily. Make a note of it and over a period of time you will know yourself better. This is probably the first step to know oneself.
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