Track-'back'-on-Track

It was 6:30 in the evening and was time to pack up and leave. I was waiting for this moment from the time I stepped in the office. Somehow my day today did not start off on a very pleasant note. It was very slow and passive. I was jaded and bored to death and at the least motivated to do what I was supposed to do. Oh yes, I mean work!! I was indeed waiting for this minute to tick on my watch so that I could flee. I was engaged in some random thoughts, which beaded into a string and I wore it around my neck through the day. Almost every minute became more unbearable to pass by. I was growing impatient by the passing minute. And hence, I finally sighed and grinned when it did tick 6:30. I quickly cleaned my desk, packed my bag and rushed to catch ‘my’ seat in the bus. I sat by the window. Needless to say I was lost yet again in the traffic of thoughts which hovered my mind, as my bus made it to the road and became one with the traffic. Medley of events that happened in a certain point in time, within the time-space continuum played like a movie on the screen of my mind, without any significant relation to it with what’s happening with me at present. The feelings were conglomerate! It looked like the thoughts of a demented mind. And in no chronological fashion, it swung and swapped. I was indeed in the past! Some sweet ones. Some bitter ones. Some bad. Some sad and some utterly silly! It lingered on. I was lost in the traffic of thoughts. I ran through myriad emotions, all at the same time. I saw different colors being splashed on the canvas but somehow, I didn’t see it as the making of a master piece. I could see words and words and more words as I turned the pages of my past. But I failed to suck the meaning. I failed to understand what made me write this, who made me write and why did I write this at all. I tried slipping out of it as I got a lil irritated too for I just could not relate it to any particular context which could give it the right meaning. The right Sense. Nothing seemed clear. It seemed incongruous. The past seemed irrelevant! Right, the past IS irrelevant. I stuck with that thought. It hung low. Considering the present offers so many things to think about and to indulge in, the past is insignificant. Decisions made – good, bad or ugly sometimes – are made. There is nothing much that can be done about it. And truly some things ARE out of our control and choice!! I have no clue what it takes to revisit the decisions that are made. All said and done, you can’t turn it the other way round. Can u?? And neither do I have the patience to trace the path. May be, you could perhaps adorn the fabric you chose with some embroidered stitch with a contrast colored thread to make it look different and attractive and you could as well rejoin the torn parts, but the fact remains that you cannot substitute the cloth. It’s just too late if you wanna do it. Now, having said this, all I know is am happy with what I have today and that my cup of life is indeed filled with some rich hot dark coffee![Wink] What’s important is indeed how good the coffee is and not from what material the cup is made up of. Mind you, u can refill the coffee anytime you want. This thought consoles me and I feel at ease as I slouch in the seat. But this moment is going to get weaved in the past too. Time rolls. It stops for no one. There is continuity and there is uncertainty, as always and as expected. Hmm… But yet, it’s all about the present.

In the philosophy of time, presentism is the belief that only the present exists and the future and the past are unreal. Paradoxical, sure it is. But I only wish that this was accountable. Treat the present as a present and make the most of it. Exist in the present! I reiterate, past is irrelevant. So, just move on. As I was lost amidst the glaze of this thought, I feebly heard my friend call out, “Niveditha, it’s your stop”!! It took time for me to realize where I was and what’s happening around. I quickly got down as the bus moved on to its next destination, to drop its next passenger. I looked at my watch as I saw the bus move past and phew! it was close to 9 pm. I had failed to realize that our bus was stuck somewhere today! I had scuba dived in the ocean of past :) I had tracked back. And sooner than never, I was back on the track!! :):) I pinched myself to affirm that I existed in the present!