Let me be...

"I’d rather be hated for who I am and what I am than be loved for who and what I am not" -Author Unknown

Let me be me! Jus love me for being me...

Ek shyaam... barsaath ke naam...

It was a fine Sunday evening. I had comfortably curled myself on the couch by the window side wit a book. The crisp air welcomed itself thru the windows of my room and the red blinds flew as if it were welcoming the zephyr. Suddenly I heard the thunder, roar and rumble. And the next thing I did was to run to the terrace. I saw that the dull blue sky silently made way to the thick cottony black clouds that crept in from the west. They beautifully unfurled as they sailed. I could also get a glimpse of large grey cumulous heavy cloud on the horizon. The canvas was splashed wit hues of blue and green and brown. Yet the shades of grey over shadowed the rest! The cool breeze swept my hair. My hair flew with the gentle wind. The weather had a very romantic feel to it. It was Lovely! I threw my face to the sky and flung my hands apart. I wanted to run… as if the wind was chasing me. I stood there with my eyes closed. The earthy refreshing smell of the damp mud, the smell of rain, filled up my senses. It was mint fresh. I had tiny goose bumps on my hands. Took another deeeeeeeeep breath… And made a sincere attempt to lock this scent in my mind. I realized that it’s the most captivating smell. It turned me on, more than any perfume or cologne ever could. It jus filled me up. Completely! I kinda had a strange but pleasant feeling. I felt as if all my senses were unifying with the nature. And it was indeed! It was Meditative! It reminded me of some long forgotten abstractions and everything good in the world… I was spellbound… The tiny drops fell on my eyes.. It was soothing.. The next couple of drops kissed my lips until I opened them up to let it be a part of me! My soul was now wedded to it.

I ran inside the house hurriedly. I wanted my slickers but I couldn’t find them. I took out the umbrella from the cupboard and made my way out. The rain gushed. It poured heavily.The umbrella served no purpose. It rained from every other direction possible…It cupped and I got drenched. Exactly what I wanted. Loved this! I folded the umbrella.. I wasn’t feeling good walking with my flip-flops on… I removed them and held the flip-flops in my hand, umbrella in another and started walking. Yes, barefoot!! The joy of walking barefoot either on grass or on concrete or where eva u r, is best experienced than described! My feet were enjoying the pampering. The rain water was cold and had a mystic feel that could heal! Indeed… the rain can heal all the wounds.. Trust me on this! As I walked, there was an inner voice that was talking to me about how much I could connect with solitude, freedom and peace, of higher degree! The revelation it brought with it was absolute. It was so relieving. I immediately began to think myself into a state of ethereal otherworldliness. I enjoyed and rejoiced it. I realized - the festivity rain brings along is second to none. I was singing… “enu ninna hanigala leele?” It was a glorious feeling.

I saw no signs of the rain stopping. I made my way back home. I was sopping. I changed and switched on my music system which played Pt. Shivakumar Sharma’s instrumental, santoor. One of the instruments I love. Need a better instrument to connect wit the rain? I wanted some thing to warm up my bones now. What better than a cup of thick soup or some really hot ‘menasinakayi(chilli) bajji or pakoris’. And a hot, dark, rich cup of coffee of course! Hmmm….. Heaven…. Heaven!! Nothing else can substitute this feeling. I couldn’t wait now. So I rushed into my kitchen. Between, it was still dark. I somehow was not in the mood to switch on the light. I lit up some candles. I thought the more the better. I lit up as many as I could. The feeling was jus amazing. Ineffable! In a while, I was relishing the hot pakoris wit some coffee in the candle light, santoor playing behind coupled with the pitter-patters of the rain!! Hmmm……[Smile]. Bliss! It was the most beautiful evening of my life. Safe locked in my memory chest!

I am simply fascinated wit rain. Every time it rains, I am healed. I am transcended to an enchanted world. And those of you who hate rain, hear it from me –“Its best to love ur slickers than to hate the rain..Rather, its is easy to like the rain than to hate your slickers (take wat eva best makes sense to you)”. Jus get out of ur house.. Walk.. Sing.. Dance.. Lemme assure you, you will not regret it.. You’ll realize that its magical! I read this somewhere – “People believe that there are 1, 009, 4567, 899 more things to do in the rain than when it doesn’t rain”. Amazing isn’t it? :) U love rain too? U have some special memories tagged wit rain? :) I am listening…

On Finding Nemo!

I was in no mood to wake up early today(I was crowned the Night Queen recently and hence the efforts to stay up late![Wink]). But yesterday (or rather today in the early hours), I was too keen and eager to finish a novel that was so absorbing. I jus couldn’t stop turning the pages. And before I realized it was 3:30 a.m. , I was on the last page, thankfully! I had promised dad that I would wake up early and join him for his daily walk. Blame it on my lassitude! Heights!! It needs a lot of self cajoling and coaxing to wake up in the morning, trust me. I had gone into hibernation under my quilt. It was so warm n cozy. I was sailing on some cloud in my dreams… hmmm…. My alarm buzzed. I put it on snooze, for the first time, second and the third. I finally woke up when dad came in and said (infact he screamed [Wink]) it was 9! Gosh… I woke up as if a catastrophe had struck!! I regretted for I was late and had to travel 28 kms in BMTC! The journey from home to electronic city played like a quick movie trailer in my mind and I felt dizzy. I wondered what time I would reach office. Truly, traveling tat distance is a nightmare. U know how it is in namma bengaluru. I seemed to have no go but to start as soon as it could possibly get. I jumped out of bed, got ready, grabbed a quick breakfast and set out. I cursed myself all the way to the bus stop for the slack that I have become. I came to the bus stop and alas! No buses, as usual! I stood there waiting for the bus. Looking at the passers by was the best I could do. Suddenly my eyes got fixed on somebody’s dress. A friend of mine had the same kind! And I happened to travel back in days to some conversation that took place between me n this friend (a long lost friend in fact). I jus got reminded of the days we spent together etc etc etc… I suddenly became gloomy coz I wasn’t in touch with her anymore though she lived close by home, owing to the fact that she has become busy with her shooting schedule (she is an actress in the daily soaps of a kannada TV channel)! Oh yes, u might ask y don’t u call her! Wise enough. Well, blame it on me being a careless creeper. I lost my last phone and hence lost all the contacts. We have no friend in common from whom I could fetch her number. And yes, she doesn’t check her mails! So, I had lost her and had missed her too! Elizabeth Bishop's quote ringed in my mind - "The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster".

Memories bubbled in my languid mind. I wished and hoped that she pass by me today so that we could start everything all over again. The chatters, the afternoons we spent cooking, practicing for dance shows, humming our favorite songs, the evenings we went shopping or to her mom’s place, playing wit her daughter, our visits to the orphanages and the old age homes, and what not. The typical girly afternoons. Hmmm…It was fun. As I was thinking this, a bus stopped by. I was about to board that bus when I still waited at the foot board for the passengers to climb down. And what do I see?? I see that you guessed it! Right, this friend about whom I was thinking about, got down. Yes!!!!! It was her!!!! Well, I jus din know what to say. I was speechless. Astonished. I was glad. I wanted to scream. I wanted to jump, dance… well.. I was going crazy within. Well I am sure you'll know how it feels when you find your long lost friend! Call it telepathy, clairvoyance, sixth sense or what ever sense. She was in front of my eyes. Both of us couldn’t believe it. It was overwhelming. A thousand expressions passed and we exchanged all that we had to in our eyes in that fraction of a second. I was delighted. I still couldn’t believe my eyes. The very next moment we were hugging each other tight. It was such a relief! We didn’t realize people around were watching us. It din matter at that moment and neither did we care. It was so nice! Words seem less to describe what I was feeling. Our eyes were moist. And I told her how I was just thinking about her. And the next few minutes we burst out into laughter. She said that she was thinking about me too. Strange! Some things are truly beyond explanation! Beyond science! Well, our chins wagged and it din seem to ache. We didn’t wanna let go of each other. Neither of us did realize the time. But then, both of us were bound to our duties and had to rush! We were late…Damn! I wanted the watch to stop ticking for a while. I hugged her again, bid her bye. We promised each other that we would meet again to eat each others' ears off. And I boarded the bus that came next. And yes, I din not forget to take her number! I called her soon after that evening and took forward the conversation from where we had left in the morning (it was close to noon in fact[wink]). It was amazing. And I was smiling all by my self in the bus. The day seemed pleasant and beautiful. Now see, everything happens for a reason. And I kind of tend to agree that most of the times, what ever happens, happens for good! :) If I hadn’t woken up late and missed my cab, I wouldn’t have met her!! Correct??[wink] Do u get what I am telling you??

The people you meet affect your life. Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there…to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be but you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way. Everyone does indeed come in your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime! Every movement in this universe is calculated. And everything is balanced and perfect! It's meant to happen and so will it happen. You believe it or not is unto you.

You be the judge!

As kids, we were all moralized by our parents, teachers and elders to be truthful and
honest. Never was untruth encouraged. If caught lying, we have been punished! And severely at that. Now as grownups too, a trait that is most sought after is how reliable and trust worthy we are. We are always urged to speak actuality, by being ingenuous and candid. Tell the right things at the right time. AS IT IS!! Without manipulating the content.



Many a times we have all faced some situation where it has been very difficult to both speak the truth and accept the truth! Isn’t it? But check this - If you think something, say another thing and do something entirely different, it causes an inner conflict. Your body, mind and intellect are not in sync. There is disintegration. And hence you suffer disturbance and inner turbulence. Give it a thought. You must have experienced this sometime!


But, sometimes what is equally important is to leave unsaid the wrong at the tempting moment. Our regrets are usually about what we have spoken, rarely about not having spoken. Think. In samskrita, “satya” means to speak the truth. Yet another meaning for the same is ultimate reality. And the ultimate reality is beautifully stated in the manu smriti of the sanatana dharma:



"satyam bruyat priyam bruyat na bruyat satyam apriyam
priyam cha nanrutam bruyat esha dharmah sanatanah"


This means, speak truth. But truth, that is pleasant to others. Never speak truth, which is unpleasant on somebody's ears. Yet, never speak untruth, which might be pleasant! Care should be taken not to hurt others' sentiments. So the value of truthfulness is relative to a situation.


Words once spilled cannot be picked. The safest and the most peaceful way to live life is to do nothing against one’s conscience. It is only then that we can lead a peaceful life and be free from fear and worries. If not, we go through life with our conscience pricking at our being. Guilt haunting us! Righto? Just give this a thought. Listen to what your voice within has to say.

Am from Uranus.. U??

Ha ha haha..... I now know which planet I come from. Against the most accepted myth that all women come from Venus, I come from 'Uranus'!![Wink]

You Are From Uranus

You're energetic, athletic, and totally hyperactive.You shine with brilliant creativity, and you're more than a little eccentric. You love playing sports and being in the middle of all of the action. You love everything unusual and shocking. You're one far-out chick or dude. You're independent, courageous, and brave. You aren't afraid to do things your way.Anything unconventional excites you - and you have genius potential. You can be reckless, quick tempered, and a little too spontaneous.Just don't let your rebel side get the best of you, or else you'll alienate everyone. Your creative ways and funky attitude is all you need to be you.

This is brilliant and so much so describes me aptly!! I was WOWED!

What Planet Are You From?

Check it out yourself. Enjoy maadi...

Track-'back'-on-Track

It was 6:30 in the evening and was time to pack up and leave. I was waiting for this moment from the time I stepped in the office. Somehow my day today did not start off on a very pleasant note. It was very slow and passive. I was jaded and bored to death and at the least motivated to do what I was supposed to do. Oh yes, I mean work!! I was indeed waiting for this minute to tick on my watch so that I could flee. I was engaged in some random thoughts, which beaded into a string and I wore it around my neck through the day. Almost every minute became more unbearable to pass by. I was growing impatient by the passing minute. And hence, I finally sighed and grinned when it did tick 6:30. I quickly cleaned my desk, packed my bag and rushed to catch ‘my’ seat in the bus. I sat by the window. Needless to say I was lost yet again in the traffic of thoughts which hovered my mind, as my bus made it to the road and became one with the traffic. Medley of events that happened in a certain point in time, within the time-space continuum played like a movie on the screen of my mind, without any significant relation to it with what’s happening with me at present. The feelings were conglomerate! It looked like the thoughts of a demented mind. And in no chronological fashion, it swung and swapped. I was indeed in the past! Some sweet ones. Some bitter ones. Some bad. Some sad and some utterly silly! It lingered on. I was lost in the traffic of thoughts. I ran through myriad emotions, all at the same time. I saw different colors being splashed on the canvas but somehow, I didn’t see it as the making of a master piece. I could see words and words and more words as I turned the pages of my past. But I failed to suck the meaning. I failed to understand what made me write this, who made me write and why did I write this at all. I tried slipping out of it as I got a lil irritated too for I just could not relate it to any particular context which could give it the right meaning. The right Sense. Nothing seemed clear. It seemed incongruous. The past seemed irrelevant! Right, the past IS irrelevant. I stuck with that thought. It hung low. Considering the present offers so many things to think about and to indulge in, the past is insignificant. Decisions made – good, bad or ugly sometimes – are made. There is nothing much that can be done about it. And truly some things ARE out of our control and choice!! I have no clue what it takes to revisit the decisions that are made. All said and done, you can’t turn it the other way round. Can u?? And neither do I have the patience to trace the path. May be, you could perhaps adorn the fabric you chose with some embroidered stitch with a contrast colored thread to make it look different and attractive and you could as well rejoin the torn parts, but the fact remains that you cannot substitute the cloth. It’s just too late if you wanna do it. Now, having said this, all I know is am happy with what I have today and that my cup of life is indeed filled with some rich hot dark coffee![Wink] What’s important is indeed how good the coffee is and not from what material the cup is made up of. Mind you, u can refill the coffee anytime you want. This thought consoles me and I feel at ease as I slouch in the seat. But this moment is going to get weaved in the past too. Time rolls. It stops for no one. There is continuity and there is uncertainty, as always and as expected. Hmm… But yet, it’s all about the present.

In the philosophy of time, presentism is the belief that only the present exists and the future and the past are unreal. Paradoxical, sure it is. But I only wish that this was accountable. Treat the present as a present and make the most of it. Exist in the present! I reiterate, past is irrelevant. So, just move on. As I was lost amidst the glaze of this thought, I feebly heard my friend call out, “Niveditha, it’s your stop”!! It took time for me to realize where I was and what’s happening around. I quickly got down as the bus moved on to its next destination, to drop its next passenger. I looked at my watch as I saw the bus move past and phew! it was close to 9 pm. I had failed to realize that our bus was stuck somewhere today! I had scuba dived in the ocean of past :) I had tracked back. And sooner than never, I was back on the track!! :):) I pinched myself to affirm that I existed in the present!

Tribes India

Had been shopping with a friend last Saturday to buy some wedding gift for yet another friend and landed up in St. Joseph’s College grounds. I was clueless as to where we were headed. And it was a surprise stop for me for it was a tribal art exhibition. I was so excited and was brimming with joy for am always game for any such exhibitions and shows!! I being a natural adorner, I shop almost anything that soothes and pleases my eyes! I have an innate and natural liking for jewelry and artifacts. And I also like to collect just anything that’s unique and interesting. It jus could be anything from a matchbox, pencil, beads, dolls, shells, stones, interestingly cut papers, any hoarding with beautiful wordings, interesting pottery, intricate jewellery,….. the list is endless. I prize things that are well designed and creative more than the material value. No doubt I am a terrific shopper and I end up shelling a bomb!!Trust me, I surely can shop till I drop[Tongue out].

Now what was special about this event was that various tribal artforms from across the country was on display. The whole ambience was very vibrant, colorful and appeasing. Made out of natural products, and hand made at that, everything that was on display, be it their pottery, jewellery, hand woven clothes, artifacts, furnitures, paintings et al were jus beyond the artistic perception. It was so bewitching that it could compel an impulsive shopper like me to go bankrupt(No doubt I spent extravagantly. Guilt some where did creep in post shopping but I soothed myself telling it was good to splurge on such things once in a while. After all I was shopping for the tribal cause. Good excuse isn’t it??[Wink]). . Many contemporary definitions of art and artistes are contingent on culture, resisting the aesthetic prescription. It cannot be standardized easily without corruption into kitsch. Now, needless to say, it gave me a new avenue to think and to take forward my creative pursuits.

And there was a folk dance program (tribal dance forms, of course) which was a delight to watch. Mesmerizing beats and amazing choreography. It was euphonious! The dancer in me was calling me to join them. I couldn’t stop myself and I started banging my head, tapping my foot and clapping my hands where eva I stood. I realized in a while that I was dancing too as if no one was watching me [Wink].he he he… I go crazy over the beats! Loved it!

Tribals of India, Adivasis as they are best known are literally "original inhabitants" and comprise an indigenous minority of the population. These come from various states of Orissa, Madhya Pradesh, Chattisgarh, Rajasthan, Gujarat, Maharashtra, AP, Bihar, Jharkand and west Bengal and in extreme northeast states such as Mizoram and Arunachal Pradesh. Officially recognized by the Indian government as "Scheduled Tribes" in the Constitution which is eligible for certain affirmative action measures at all socio-economic strata. The schedule gives tribal people incentives to maintain their identity. By the same token, the schedule also includes a number of groups whose 'tribal' status, in cultural terms, is dubious at best. They have their own tribal religions which are different than Islam or Hinduism and they follow what is known as Tantric Shaivism. These people have their own culture, language, social organization, religious affiliation, economic patterns, geographic location, and self-identification too, which is rich, as I see it and more sensible than ours, devoid of the basic education! These people always work and move about in groups and have greater social bonding and strength amongst them. What’s more important is the ‘samskara’(cultural heritage and upbringing) and the ‘kala-kaushalya’(artistic and aesthetic sense)! Perhaps, this holds true for any community. To stay happy without any cultural abomination and hatredness, to bring out the best in us as a community or breed this is what is most important. And what good is education if doesn't humble you down and work for the cause of humanity. William Cowper beautifully says,"Existence is a strange bargain. Life owes us little; we owe it everything. The only true happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose." Don’t you think so too? India could have been a better place today if it would have religiously practiced and followed the most hyped of phrase –“The land of Unity in Diversity”.

Anyways, I here, would like to emphasize the point that these tribal artisans and craftsmen are no less than any of the country’s most prestigious award winning and famed artists! And mind you, no job is menial! These people need a platform to show case their talent. It is the need of the hour to recognize such troops, to underline their skilled excellency, to focus on the importance of intellectual skills apart from the manual skills. And in this orientation, the government is doing a fabulous job in recognizing such people and giving them a chance to exhibit and to sell their products at its best price by organising such melas. It is indeed a great opportunity for the residents of Bangalore to be a part of such event. Do not miss such things when you do come across the likes of it in the near future. Let’s do our best too. Let’s just go and attend such events even if we do not have to buy anything from them. Let’s try and appreciate the art and the artist in them. Let's empathise, heartfully!

Now this apart, what makes this exhibition more memorable for me is that I gave a very brief interview to a local news channel. The event manager of this exhibition came up to me(naturally pulled by the number of shopping bags I had in my hand) and asked me to speak and throw some light on the exhibition to TV9(a state news channel) and share my experience. This was aired on Tuesday, the 14th of October '08 in the news hour at 9[Broad smile]. Howzzat?!

Tribes India - “Shop for the tribal cause”!
You could log on to the following websites to know more:
www.tribes.net.in
www.trifed.net.in